The Devil's Dictionary

by Ambrose Bierce

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Originally published as The Cynic’s Word Book, Ambrose Bierce’s wickedly satirical “reference book” was retitled The Devil’s Dictionary in 1911.

Here are some choice excerpts from this highly entertaining work:

Conservative 
    (n.) A statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, 
who wishes to replace them with others. 

Cynic 
    (n.) A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. 
Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.

Gas meter
     (n.) The family liar in the basement.

Lawyer 
    (n.) One skilled in circumvention of the law.

Marriage 
    (n.) A household consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

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Table of Contents

Preface

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

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