Fantastic Fables

by Ambrose Bierce

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Two of the Damned

TWO Blighted Beings, haggard, lachrymose, and detested, met on a blasted heath in the light of a struggling moon.

"I wish you a merry Christmas," said the First Blighted Being, in a voice like that of a singing tomb.

"And I you a happy New Year," responded the Second Blighted Being, with the accent of a penitent accordeon.

They then fell upon each other's neck and wept scalding rills down each other's spine in token of their banishment to the Realm of Ineffable Bosh. For one of these accursed creatures was the First of January, and the other the Twenty-fifth of December.

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It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.