ACT V - Scene III Henry IV, Part II

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Gloucestershire. Shallow’s orchard.

	Enter Falstaff, Shallow, Silence, Davy, Bardolph, and the Page.
Shallow	Nay, you shall see my orchard, where, in an arbour, we will eat a last year’s pippin of my own graffing, with a dish of caraways, and so forth: come, cousin Silence: and then to bed.
Falstaff	’Fore God, you have here a goodly dwelling and a rich.
Shallow	Barren, barren, barren; beggars all, beggars all, Sir John: marry, good air. Spread, Davy; spread, Davy: well said, Davy.
Falstaff	This Davy serves you for good uses; he is your serving-man and your husband.
Shallow	A good varlet, a good varlet, a very good varlet, Sir John: by the mass, I have drunk too much sack at supper: a good varlet. Now sit down, now sit down: come, cousin.
Silence	Ah, sirrah! quoth-a, we shall Do nothing but eat, and make good cheer, singing And praise God for the merry year; When flesh is cheap and females dear, And lusty lads roam here and there So merrily, And ever among so merrily.
Falstaff	There’s a merry heart! Good Master Silence, I’ll give you a health for that anon.
Shallow	Give Master Bardolph some wine, Davy.
Davy	Sweet sir, sit; I’ll be with you anon; most sweet sir, sit. Master page, good master page, sit. Proface! What you want in meat, we’ll have in drink: but you must bear; the heart’s all. Exit.
Shallow	Be merry, Master Bardolph; and, my little soldier there, be merry.
Silence	Be merry, be merry, my wife has all; singing For women are shrews, both short and tall: ’Tis merry in hall when beards wag all, And welcome merry Shrove-tide. Be merry, be merry.
Falstaff	I did not think Master Silence had been a man of this mettle.
Silence	Who, I? I have been merry twice and once ere now.
	Reenter Davy.
Davy	There’s a dish of leather-coats for you. To Bardolph.
Shallow	Davy!
Davy	Your worship! I’ll be with you straight to Bardolph. A cup of wine, sir?
Silence	A cup of wine that’s brisk and fine, singing And drink unto the leman mine; And a merry heart lives long-a.
Falstaff	Well said, Master Silence.
Silence	An we shall be merry, now comes in the sweet o’ the night.
Falstaff	Health and long life to you, Master Silence.
Silence	Fill the cup, and let it come; singing I’ll pledge you a mile to the bottom.
Shallow	Honest Bardolph, welcome: if thou wantest any thing, and wilt not call, beshrew thy heart. Welcome, my little tiny thief to the Page, and welcome indeed too. I’ll drink to Master Bardolph, and to all the cavaleros about London.
Davy	I hove to see London once ere I die.
Bardolph	An I might see you there, Davy⁠—
Shallow	By the mass, you’ll crack a quart together, ha! will you not, Master Bardolph?
Bardolph	Yea, sir, in a pottle-pot.
Shallow	By God’s liggens, I thank thee: the knave will stick by thee, I can assure thee that. A’ will not out; he is true bred.
Bardolph	And I’ll stick by him, sir.
Shallow	Why, there spoke a king. Lack nothing: be merry. Knocking within. Look who’s at door there, ho! who knocks? Exit Davy.
Falstaff	Why, now you have done me right. To Silence, seeing him take off a bumper.
Silence	Do me right, singing And dub me knight: Samingo. Is’t not so?
Falstaff	’Tis so.
Silence	Is’t so? Why then, say an old man can do somewhat.
	Reenter Davy.
Davy	An’t please your worship, there’s one Pistol come from the court with news.
Falstaff	From the court! let him come in.
	Enter Pistol.
	How now, Pistol!
Pistol	Sir John, God save you!
Falstaff	What wind blew you hither, Pistol?
Pistol	Not the ill wind which blows no man to good. Sweet knight, thou art now one of the greatest men in this realm.
Silence	By’r lady, I think a’ be, but goodman Puff of Barson.
Pistol	Puff! Puff in thy teeth, most recreant coward base! Sir John, I am thy Pistol and thy friend, And helter-skelter have I rode to thee, And tidings do I bring and lucky joys And golden times and happy news of price.
Falstaff	I pray thee now, deliver them like a man of this world.
Pistol	A foutre for the world and worldlings base! I speak of Africa and golden joys.
Falstaff	O base Assyrian knight, what is thy news? Let King Cophetua know the truth thereof.
Silence	And Robin Hood, Scarlet, and John. Singing.
Pistol	Shall dunghill curs confront the Helicons? And shall good news be baffled? Then, Pistol, lay thy head in Furies’ lap.
Silence	Honest gentleman, I know not your breeding.
Pistol	Why then, lament therefore.
Shallow	Give me pardon, sir: if, sir, you come with news from the court, I take it there’s but two ways, either to utter them, or to conceal them. I am, sir, under the king, in some authority.
Pistol	Under which king, Besonian? speak, or die.
Shallow	Under King Harry.
Pistol	Harry the Fourth? or Fifth?
Shallow	Harry the Fourth.
Pistol	A foutre for thine office! Sir John, thy tender lambkin now is king; Harry the Fifth’s the man. I speak the truth: When Pistol lies, do this; and fig me, like The bragging Spaniard.
Falstaff	What, is the old king dead?
Pistol	As nail in door: the things I speak are just.
Falstaff	Away, Bardolph! saddle my horse. Master Robert Shallow, choose what office thou wilt in the land, ’tis thine. Pistol, I will double-charge thee with dignities.
Bardolph	O joyful day! I would not take a knighthood for my fortune.
Pistol	What! I do bring good news.
Falstaff	Carry Master Silence to bed. Master Shallow, my Lord Shallow⁠—be what thou wilt; I am fortune’s steward⁠—get on thy boots: we’ll ride all night. O sweet Pistol! Away, Bardolph! Exit Bardolph. Come, Pistol, utter more to me; and withal devise something to do thyself good. Boot, boot, Master Shallow: I know the young king is sick for me. Let us take any man’s horses; the laws of England are at my commandment. Blessed are they that have been my friends; and woe to my lord chief-justice!
Pistol	Let vultures vile seize on his lungs also! “Where is the life that late I led?” say they: Why, here it is; welcome these pleasant days! Exeunt.

ACT V - Scene III Henry IV, Part II

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