ACT III - Scene II Much Ado About Nothing
A room in Leonato’s house.
| Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, and Leonato. | |
| Don Pedro | I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go I toward Arragon. |
| Claudio | I’ll bring you thither, my lord, if you’ll vouchsafe me. |
| Don Pedro | Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of your marriage as to show a child his new coat and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth: he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid’s bowstring, and the little hangman dare not shoot at him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell and his tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks. |
| Benedick | Gallants, I am not as I have been. |
| Leonato | So say I: methinks you are sadder. |
| Claudio | I hope he be in love. |
| Don Pedro | Hang him, truant! there’s no true drop of blood in him, to be truly touched with love: if he be sad, he wants money. |
| Benedick | I have the toothache. |
| Don Pedro | Draw it. |
| Benedick | Hang it! |
| Claudio | You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards. |
| Don Pedro | What! sigh for the toothache? |
| Leonato | Where is but a humour or a worm. |
| Benedick | Well, everyone can master a grief but he that has it. |
| Claudio | Yet say I, he is in love. |
| Don Pedro | There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to be a Dutchman today, a Frenchman tomorrow, or in the shape of two countries at once, as a German from the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is. |
| Claudio | If he be not in love with some woman, there is no believing old signs: a’ brushes his hat o’ mornings; what should that bode? |
| Don Pedro | Hath any man seen him at the barber’s? |
| Claudio | No, but the barber’s man hath been seen with him, and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis balls. |
| Leonato | Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard. |
| Don Pedro | Nay, a’ rubs himself with civet: can you smell him out by that? |
| Claudio | That’s as much as to say, the sweet youth’s in love. |
| Don Pedro | The greatest note of it is his melancholy. |
| Claudio | And when was he wont to wash his face? |
| Don Pedro | Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear what they say of him. |
| Claudio | Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into a lute-string and now governed by stops. |
| Don Pedro | Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him: conclude, conclude he is in love. |
| Claudio | Nay, but I know who loves him. |
| Don Pedro | That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not. |
| Claudio | Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of all, dies for him. |
| Don Pedro | She shall be buried with her face upwards. |
| Benedick | Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which these hobby-horses must not hear. Exeunt Benedick and Leonato. |
| Don Pedro | For my life, to break with him about Beatrice. |
| Claudio | ’Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two bears will not bite one another when they meet. |
| Enter Don John. | |
| Don John | My lord and brother, God save you! |
| Don Pedro | Good den, brother. |
| Don John | If your leisure served, I would speak with you. |
| Don Pedro | In private? |
| Don John | If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for what I would speak of concerns him. |
| Don Pedro | What’s the matter? |
| Don John | To Claudio. Means your lordship to be married tomorrow? |
| Don Pedro | You know he does. |
| Don John | I know not that, when he knows what I know. |
| Claudio | If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it. |
| Don John | You may think I love you not: let that appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage;—surely suit ill spent and labour ill bestowed. |
| Don Pedro | Why, what’s the matter? |
| Don John | I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances shortened, for she has been too long a talking of, the lady is disloyal. |
| Claudio | Who, Hero? |
| Don John | Even she; Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every man’s Hero. |
| Claudio | Disloyal? |
| Don John | The word’s too good to paint out her wickedness; I could say she were worse: think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till further warrant: go but with me tonight, you shall see her chamber-window entered, even the night before her wedding-day: if you love her then, tomorrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour to change your mind. |
| Claudio | May this be so? |
| Don Pedro | I will not think it. |
| Don John | If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that you know: if you will follow me, I will show you enough; and when you have seen more and heard more, proceed accordingly. |
| Claudio | If I see anything tonight why I should not marry her tomorrow, in the congregation, where I should wed, there will I shame her. |
| Don Pedro | And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her. |
| Don John | I will disparage her no farther till you are my witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue show itself. |
| Don Pedro | O day untowardly turned! |
| Claudio | O mischief strangely thwarting! |
| Don John | O plague right well prevented! so will you say when you have seen the sequel. Exeunt. |