The Merry Wives of Windsor

by William Shakespeare

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ACT II - Scene III

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A field near Windsor

Enter CAIUS and RUGBY

Jack Rugby!

Sir?

Vat is de clock, Jack?

'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promis'd to
meet.

By gar, he has save his soul dat he is no come; he has
pray his Pible well dat he is no come; by gar, Jack Rugby,
he is dead already, if he be come.

He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill
him if he came.

By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. Take
your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

Alas, sir, I cannot fence!

Villainy, take your rapier.

Forbear; here's company.

Enter HOST, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE

Bless thee, bully doctor!

Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

Now, good Master Doctor!

Give you good morrow, sir.

Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse;
to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy
punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant.
Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco? Ha,
bully! What says my Aesculapius? my Galen? my heart
of elder? Ha! is he dead, bully stale? Is he dead?

By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de world; he is
not show his face.

Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece,
my boy!

I pray you, bear witness that me have stay six or
seven, two tree hours for him, and he is no come.

He is the wiser man, Master Doctor: he is a curer
of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight,
you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true,
Master Page?

Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter,
though now a man of peace.

Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old, and
of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make
one. Though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen,
Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are
the sons of women, Master Page.

'Tis true, Master Shallow.

It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
CAIUS, I come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace;
you have show'd yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh
hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman. You
must go with me, Master Doctor.

Pardon, Guest Justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.

Mock-vater! Vat is dat?

Mockwater, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.

By gar, then I have as much mockvater as de Englishman.
Scurvy jack-dog priest! By gar, me vill cut his ears.

He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

Clapper-de-claw! Vat is dat?

That is, he will make thee amends.

By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for,
by gar, me vill have it.

And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.

Me tank you for dat.

And, moreover, bully-but first: [Aside to the others]
Master Guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender,
go you through the town to Frogmore.

[Aside] Sir Hugh is there, is he?

[Aside] He is there. See what humour he is in; and
I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

[Aside] We will do it.

Adieu, good Master Doctor.

Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER

By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-
an-ape to Anne Page.

Let him die. Sheathe thy impatience; throw cold water
on thy choler; go about the fields with me through Frogmore;
I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a a
farm-house, a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried
game! Said I well?

By gar, me dank you vor dat; by gar, I love you; and
I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de
lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne
Page. Said I well?

By gar, 'tis good; vell said.

Let us wag, then.

Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

Exeunt