Miss Lulu Bett (play)

by Zona Gale

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Act I, Scene II

SAME SET. Late afternoon. A week later. The table is cleared of dishes, and has an oilcloth cover. BOBBY is discovered outside the window, on whose sill DI is sitting.

BOBBY. So you despise me for cutting grass?

DI. No, I don't. But if you're going to be a great man why don't you get started at it?

BOBBY. I am started at it–inside. But it don't earn me a cent yet.

DI. Bobby, Bobby! I know you're great now, don't you ever think I don't, but I want everybody else to know.

BOBBY. Di, when you said that it sounded just like a–a you know.

DI. Like what?

BOBBY. Like a wife. Gee, what a word that is!

DI. Isn't it? It's ever so much more exciting word than husband.

(Enter LULU, followed by MONONA. LULU carries bowl, pan of apples, paring knife. MONONA carries basket of apples and a towel. As LULU rattles dishes, DI turns, sees

LULU. BOBBY disappears from window.)

DI. There's never any privacy in this house. (Exit DI.)

LULU. Hurry, Monona, I must make the pies before I get dinner. Now wipe every one.

MONONA. What for?

LULU. To make the pies.

MONONA. What do you want to make pies for?

LULU. To eat.

MONONA. What do you want to eat for?

LULU. To grow strong–and even sensible.

MONONA. It's no fun asking you a string of questions. You never get mad. Mama gets good and mad. So does papa.

LULU. Then why do you ask them questions?

MONONA. Oh, I like to get them going.

LULU. Monona!

MONONA. I told mama I didn't pass, just so I could hear her.

LULU. Why, Monona!

MONONA. Then when I told her I did pass, she did it again. When she's mad she makes awful funny faces.

LULU. You love her, don't you, Monona?

MONONA. I love her best when there's company. If there was always company, I'd always love her. Isn't she sweet before Uncle Ninian though?

LULU. I–I don't know. Monona, you mustn't talk so.

MONONA. He's been here a week and mama hasn't been cross once. Want to know what he said about you?

LULU. I–did he–did he say anything about me?

MONONA. He told papa you were the best cook he'd ever ate. Said he'd et a good many.

LULU. The cooking. It's always the cooking.

MONONA. He said some more, but I can't remember.

LULU. Monona, what else did he say?

MONONA. I don't know.

LULU. Try....

MONONA. Here he is now. Ask him to his face. Hullo, Uncle Ninian! Good-by. (Exit MONONA. Enter NINIAN.)

NINIAN. Hello, kitten! Ask him what! What do you want to ask him?

LULU. I–I think I was wondering what kind of pies you like best.

NINIAN. That's easy. I like your kind of pies best. The best ever. Every day since I've been here I've seen you baking, Mrs. Bett.

LULU. Yes, I bake. What did you call me then?

NINIAN. Mrs. Bett–isn't it? Every one says just Lulu, but I took it for granted.... Well, now–is it Mrs. or Miss Lulu Bett?

LULU. It's Miss.... From choice.

NINIAN. You bet! Oh, you bet! Never doubted that.

LULU. What kind of a Mr. are you?

NINIAN. Never give myself away. Say, by George, I never thought of that before. There's no telling whether a man's married or not, by his name.

LULU. It doesn't matter.


LULU. Not so many people want to know.

NINIAN. Say, you're pretty good, aren't you?

LULU. If I am it never took me very far.

NINIAN. Where you been mostly?

LULU. Here. I've always been here. Fifteen years with Ina. Before that we lived in the country.

NINIAN. Never been anywhere much?

LULU. Never been anywhere at all.

NINIAN. H...m. Well, I want to tell you something about yourself.

LULU. About me?

NINIAN. Something that I'll bet you don't even know. It's this: I think you have it pretty hard around here.

LULU. Oh, no!

NINIAN. See here. Do you have to work like this all the time? I guess you won't mind my asking.

LULU. But I ought to work. I have a home with them. Mother too.

NINIAN. But glory! You ought to have some kind of a life of your own.

LULU. How could I do that?

NINIAN. A man don't even know what he's like till he's roamed around on his own.... Roamed around on his own. Course a woman don't understand that.

LULU. Why don't she? Why don't she?

NINIAN. Do you? (LULU nods.) I've had twenty-five years of galloping about–Brazil, Mexico, Panama.


NINIAN. It's the life.

LULU. Must be. I–

NINIAN. Yes, you. Why, you've never had a thing! I guess you don't know how it seems to me, coming along–a stranger so. I don't like it.

LULU. They're very good to me.

NINIAN. Do you know why you think that? Because you've never had anybody really good to you. That's why.

LULU. But they treat me good.

NINIAN. They make a slavey of you. Regular slavey. Damned shame I call it.

LULU. But we have our whole living–

NINIAN. And you earn it. I been watching you ever since I've been here. Don't you ever go anywhere?

LULU. Oh, no, I don't go anywhere. I–

NINIAN. Lord! Don't you want to? Of course you do.

LULU. Of course I'd like to get clear away–or I used to want to.

NINIAN. Say–you've been a blamed fine-looking woman.

LULU. You must have been a good-looking man once yourself.

NINIAN. You're pretty good. I don't see how you do it–darned if I do.

LULU. How I do what?

NINIAN. Why come back, quick like that, with what you say. You don't look it.

LULU. It must be my grand education.

NINIAN. Education: I ain't never had it and I ain't never missed it.

LULU. Most folks are happy without an education.

NINIAN. You're not very happy, though.

LULU. Oh, no.

NINIAN. Well you ought to get up and get out of here–find–find some work you like to do.

LULU. But, you see, I can't do any other work–that's the trouble–women like me can't do any other work.

NINIAN. But you make this whole house go round.

LULU. If I do, nobody knows it.

NINIAN. I know it. I hadn't been in the house twenty-four hours till I knew it.

LULU. You did? You thought that.... Yes, well if I do I hate making it go round.

NINIAN. See here–couldn't you tell me a little bit about–what you'd like to do? If you had your own way?

LULU. I don't know–now.

NINIAN. What did you ever think you'd like to do?

LULU. Take care of folks that needed me. I–I mean sick folks or old folks or–like that. Take care of them. Have them–have them want me.

NINIAN. By George! You're a wonder.

LULU. Am I? Ask Dwight.

NINIAN. Dwight. I could knock the top of his head off the way he speaks to you. I'd like to see you get out of this, I certainly would.

LULU. I can't get out. I'll never get out–now.

NINIAN. Don't keep saying "now" like that. You–you put me out of business, darned if you don't.

LULU. Oh, I don't mean to feel sorry for myself–you stop making me feel sorry for myself!

NINIAN. I know one thing–I'm going to give Dwight Deacon a chunk of my mind.

LULU. Oh, no! no! no! I wouldn't want you to do that. Thank you.

NINIAN. Well, somebody ought to do something. See here–while I'm staying around you know you've got a friend in me, don't you?


NINIAN. You bet you do.

LULU. Not just my cooking?

NINIAN. Oh, come now–why, I liked you the first moment I saw you.

LULU. Honest?

NINIAN. Go on–go on. Did you like me?

LULU. Now you're just being polite.

NINIAN. Say, I wish there was some way–

LULU. Don't you bother about me.

NINIAN. I wish there was some way– (MONONA'S voice chants.) (Enter MONONA.)

MONONA. You've had him long enough, Aunt Lulu–Can't you pay me some 'tention?

NINIAN. Come here. Give us a kiss. My stars, what a great big tall girl! Have to put a board on her head to stop this growing.

MONONA (Seeing diamond ). What's that?

NINIAN. That diamond came from Santa Claus. He has a jewelry shop in heaven. I have twenty others like this one. I keep the others to wear on the Sundays when the sun comes up in the west.

MONONA. Does the sun ever come up in the west?

NINIAN. Sure–on my honor. Some day I'm going to melt a diamond and eat it. Then you sparkle all over in the dark, ever after. I'm going to plant one too, some day. Then you can grow a diamond vine. Yes, on my honor.

LULU. Don't do that– don't do that.


LULU. To her. That's lying.

NINIAN. Oh, no. That's not lying. That's just drama. Drama. Do you like going to a good show?

LULU. I've never been to any–only those that come here.

NINIAN. Think of that now. Don't you ever go to the city?

LULU. I haven't been in six years and over.

NINIAN. Well, sir, I'll tell you what I'm going to do with you. While I'm here I'm going to take you and Ina and Dwight up to the city, to see a show.

LULU. Oh, you don't want me to go.

NINIAN. Yes, sir. I'll give you one good time. Dinner and a show.

LULU. Ina and Dwight do that sometimes. I can't imagine me.

NINIAN. Well, you're coming with me. I'll look up something good. And you tell me just what you like to eat and we'll order it–

LULU. It's been years since I've eaten anything that I haven't cooked myself.

NINIAN. It has. Say, by George! why shouldn't we go to the city to-night.

LULU. To-night?

NINIAN. Yes. If Dwight and Ina will. It's early yet. What do you say?

LULU. You sure you want me to go? Why–I don't know whether I've got anything I could wear.

NINIAN. Sure you have.

LULU. I–yes, I have. I could wear the waist I always thought they'd use–if I died.

NINIAN. Sure you could wear that. Just the thing. And throw some things in a bag–it'll be too late to come back tonight. Now don't you back out....

LULU. Oh, the pies–

NINIAN. Forget the pies–well, no, I wouldn't say that. But hustle them up.

LULU. Oh, maybe Ina won't go....

NINIAN. Leave Ina to me. (Exit NINIAN.)

LULU. Mother, mother! Monona, put the rest of those apples back in the basket and carry them out.

MONONA. Yes, Aunt Lulu.

LULU. I can't get ready. They'll leave me behind. Mother! Hurry, Monona. We mustn't leave such a looking house. Mother! Monona, don't you drop those apples. (MONONA drops them all.) My heavens, my pies aren't in the oven yet. (Enter MRS. BETT.)

MRS. BETT. Who wants their mother?

LULU. Mother, please pick up these things for me–quick.

MRS. BETT (leisurely). What is the rush, Lulie?

LULU. Mother, Mr. Deacon–Ninian, you know–wants Ina and Dwight and me to go to the theater to-night in the city.

MRS. BETT. Does, does he? Well, you mind me, Lulie, and go on. It'll do you good.

LULU. Yes, mother. I will. (Exit with pies.)

MRS. BETT. No need breaking everybody's neck off, though, as I know of. Monona, get out from under my feet.

MONONA. Grandma, compared between what I am, you are nothing.

MRS. BETT. What do you mean–little ape?

MONONA. It's no fun to get you going. You're too easy, grandma dear! (Exit. Enter NINIAN.)

NINIAN. All right–Dwight and Ina are game. Oh, Mrs. Bett! Won't you come to the theater with us to-night?

MRS. BETT. No. I'm fooled enough without fooling myself on purpose. But Lulie can go.

NINIAN. You don't let her go too much, do you, Mrs. Bett?

MRS. BETT. Well, I ain't never let her go to the altar if that's what you mean.

NINIAN. Don't you think she'd be better off?

MRS. BETT. Wouldn't make much difference. Why look at me. A husband, six children, four of 'em under the sod with him. And sometimes I feel as though nothin' more had happened to me than has happened to Lulie. It's all gone. For me just the same as for her. Only she ain't had the pain. (Yawns.) What was I talkin' about just then?

NINIAN. Why–why–er, we were talking about going to the theater.

MRS. BETT. Going to the theater, are you? (Enter LULU.)

NINIAN. It's all right, Miss Lulu. They'll go–both of them. Dwight is telephoning for the seats.

LULU. I was wondering why you should be so kind to me.

NINIAN. Kind? Why, this is for my own pleasure, Miss Lulu. That's what I think of mostly.

LULU. But just see. It's so wonderful. Half an hour ago I never thought I'd be going to the city now–with you all....

NINIAN. I'm an impulsive cuss you'll find, Miss Lulu.

LULU. But this is so wonderful.... (Enter INA.) Ina, isn't it beautiful that we're going?

INA. Oh, are you going?

NINIAN. Of course she's going. Great snakes, why not?

INA. Only that Lulu never goes anywhere.

NINIAN. Whose fault is that?

LULU. Just habit. Pure habit.

NINIAN. Pure cussedness somewhere. Miss Lulu, now you go and get ready and Ina and I'll finish straightening up here.

LULU. Oh, I'll finish.

NINIAN. Go and get ready. I want to see that waist.

LULU. Oh, but I don't need to go yet–

NINIAN. Ina, you tell her to go–

INA. Well, but Lulu, you aren't going to bother to change your dress, are you? You can slip something on over.

LULU. If you think this would do–

NINIAN. It will not do. Not for my party! (Shuts the door upon her.)

INA. How in the world did you ever get Lulu to go, Ninian? We never did.

NINIAN. It was very simple. I invited her.

INA. Oh, you mean–

NINIAN. I invited her. (Doorbell rings.) Shall I answer it?

INA. Will you, please? (Exit NINIAN.) Mother, have you seen Di anywhere?

MRS. BETT. I ain't done nothing but see her. (Motions to window.)

INA (At window). Forevermore. That Larkin boy again. Di! Diana Deacon! Come here at once.

DI'S VOICE. Yes, mama. (At window.) Want me?

INA. I want you to stop making a spectacle of me before the neighborhood.

DI. Of you!

INA. Certainly. What will people think of me if they see you talking with Robert Larkin the whole afternoon?

DI. We weren't thinking about you, mummy.

INA. No. You never do think about me. Nobody thinks about me. And mama does try so hard–

DI. Oh, mama, I've heard you say that fifty hundred times.

INA. And what impression does it make? None.... Nobody listens to me. Nobody. (Enter NINIAN and CORNISH.)

NINIAN. All right to bring him in here?

INA. Oh, Mr. Cornish! how very nice to see you.

CORNISH. Good afternoon, Mrs. Deacon. How are you, Miss Di?

NINIAN. I've just been asking Mr. Cornish if he won't join us to-night for dinner and the show.

INA. Oh, Mr. Cornish, do–we'd be so glad.

CORNISH. Why, why, if that wouldn't be–

NINIAN. You're invited, Di, you know.

DI. Me? Oh, how heavenly! Oh, but I've an engagement with Bobby–

INA. But I'm sure you'd break that to go with Uncle Ninian and Mr. Cornish.

DI. Well, I'd break it to go to the theater–

INA. Why, Di Deacon!

DI. Oh, of course to go with Uncle Ninian and Mr. Cornish.

CORNISH. This is awfully good of you. I dropped in because I got so lonesome I didn't know what else to do–that is, I mean....

NINIAN. We get it. We get it.

INA. We'd love to see you any time, Mr. Cornish. Now if you'll excuse Di and me one minute.

DI. Uncle Ninian, you're a lamb. (Exeunt DI and INA.)

MRS. BETT. I'm just about the same as I was.

CORNISH. What–er–oh, Mrs. Bett, I didn't see you.

MRS. BETT. I don't complain. But it wouldn't turn my head if some of you spoke to me once in a while. Say–can you tell me what these folks are up to?

CORNISH. Up to... up to?

MRS. BETT. Yes. They're all stepping round here, up to something. I don't know what.

NINIAN. Why, Mrs. Bett, we're going to the city to the theater, you know.

MRS. BETT. Well, why didn't you say so? (Enter DWIGHT.)

DWIGHT. Ha! Everybody ready? Well, well, well, well. How are you, Cornish? You going too, Ina says.

CORNISH. Yes, I thought I might as well. I mean–

DWIGHT. That's right, that's right. Mama Bett. Look here!

MRS. BETT. What's that?

DWIGHT. Ice cream–it's ice cream. Who is it sits home and has ice cream put in her lap like a ku-ween?

MRS. BETT. Vanilly or chocolate?

DWIGHT. Chocolate, Mama Bett.

MRS. BETT. Vanilly sets better.... I'll put it in the ice chest–I may eat it. (Takes spoon from sideboard. Exit. CORNISH goes with her.)

DWIGHT. Where's the lovely Lulu?

NINIAN. She'll be here directly.

DWIGHT. Now what I want to know, Nin, is how you've hypnotized the lovely Lulu into this thing.

NINIAN. Into going? Dwight, I'll tell you about that. I asked her to go with us. Do you get it? I invited the woman.

DWIGHT. Ah, but with a way–with a way. She's never been anywhere like this with us.... Well, Nin, how does it seem to see me settled down into a respectable married citizen in my own town–eh?

NINIAN. Oh–you seem just like yourself.

DWIGHT. Yes, yes. I don't change much. Don't feel a day older than I ever did.

NINIAN. And you don't act it.

DWIGHT. Eh, you wouldn't think it to look at us, but our aunt had her hands pretty full bringing us up. Nin, we must certainly run up state and see Aunt Mollie while you're here. She isn't very well.

NINIAN. I don't know whether I'll have time or not.

DWIGHT. Nin, I love that woman. She's an angel. When I think of her I feel–I give you my word–I feel like somebody else.

(Enter MRS. BETT and CORNISH.)

NINIAN. Nice old lady.

MRS. BETT. Who's a nice old lady?

DWIGHT. You, Mama Bett! Who else but you–eh? Well, now, Nin, what about you. You've been saying mighty little about yourself. What's been happening to you, anyway?–

NINIAN. That's the question.

DWIGHT. Traveling mostly–eh?

NINIAN. Yes, traveling mostly.

DWIGHT. I thought Ina and I might get over to the other side this year, but I guess not–I guess not.

MRS. BETT. Pity not to have went while the going was good.

DWIGHT. What's that, Mama Bett? (Enter LULU.) Ah, the lovely Lulu. She comes, she comes! My word what a costoom. And a coiffure.

LULU. Thank you. How do you do, Mr. Cornish?

CORNISH. How do you do, Miss Lulu? You see they're taking me along too.

LULU. That's nice. But, Mr. Deacon, I'm afraid I can't go after all. I haven't any gloves.

NINIAN. No backing out now.

DWIGHT. Can't you wear some old gloves of Ina's?

LULU. No, no. Ina's gloves are too fat for me–I mean too–mother, how does this hat look?

MRS. BETT. You d ought to know how it looks, Lulie. You've had it on your head for ten years, hand-running.

LULU. And I haven't any theater cape. I couldn't go with my jacket and no gloves, could I?

DWIGHT. Now why need a charmer like you care about clothes!

LULU. I wouldn't want you gentlemen to be ashamed of me.

CORNISH. Why, Miss Lulu, you look real neat.

MRS. BETT. Act as good as you look, Lulie. You mind me and go on. (Enter INA.)

DWIGHT. Ha! All ready with our hat on! For a wonder, all ready with our hat on.

INA. That isn't really necessary, Dwight.

LULU. Ina, I wondered–I thought about your linen duster. Would it hurt if I wore that?

DWIGHT. The new one?

LULU. Oh no, no. The old one.

INA. Why take it, Lulu, yes, certainly. Get it, Dwightie, there in the hall. (DWIGHT goes.)

CORNISH. Miss Lulu, with all the solid virtues you've got, you don't need to think for a moment of how you look.

LULU. Now you're remembering the meat pie again, aren't you? (Enter


DWIGHT. Now! The festive opera cloak. Allow me! My word, what a picture! Lulu the charmer dressed for her deboo into society, eh?

NINIAN. Dwight, shut your head. I want you to understand this is Miss Lulu Bett's party–and if she says to leave you home, we'll do it.

DWIGHT. Ah, ha! An understanding between these two.

CORNISH. Well, Miss Lulu, I think you're just fine anyway.

LULU. Oh, thank you. Thank you.... (Enter DI.)

INA. All ready, darling?

DI. All ready–and so excited! Isn't it exciting, Mr. Cornish?

DWIGHT. Bless me if the whole family isn't assembled. Now isn't this pleasant! Ten–let me see–twelve minutes before we need set out. Then the city and dinner–not just Lulu's cooking, but dinner! By a chef.

INA. That's sheff, Dwightie. Not cheff.

DWIGHT (indicating INA). Little crusty tonight. Pettie, your hat's just a little mite–no, over the other way.

INA. Was there anything to prevent your speaking of that before?

LULU. Ina, that hat's ever so much prettier than the old one.

INA. I never saw anything the matter with the old one.

DWIGHT. She'll be all right when we get started–out among the bright lights. Adventure–adventure is what the woman wants. I'm too tame for her.

INA. Idiot. (Back at window, BOBBY LARKIN appears. DI slips across to him.)

MRS. BETT. I s'pose you all think I like being left sitting here stark alone?

NINIAN. Why, Mrs. Bett–

INA. Why, mama–

LULU. Oh, mother, I'll stay with you.

DWIGHT. Oh, look here, if she really minds staying alone I'll stay with her.

MRS. BETT. Where you going anyway?

LULU. The theater, mama.

MRS. BETT. First I've heard of it. (MONONA is heard chanting.)

INA. You'll have Monona with you, mama. (MRS. BETT utters one note of laughter, thin and high.) (Enter MONONA.)

MONONA. Where you going?

INA. The city, dear. (MONONA cries.) Now quiet, pettie, quiet–

MONONA. You've all got to bring me something. And I'm going to sit up and eat it, too.

MRS. BETT. Come here, you poor, neglected child. (Throughout the following scene MRS. BETT is absorbed with MONONA, and DI with BOBBY.)

DWIGHT. What's Lulu the charmer so still for, eh?

LULU. I was thinking how nice it is to be going off with you all like this.

DWIGHT. Such a moment advertises to the single the joys of family life as Ina and I live it.

INA. It's curious that you've never married, Ninian.

NINIAN. Don't say it like that. Maybe I have. Or maybe I will.

DWIGHT. She wants everybody to marry but she wishes she hadn't.

INA. Do you have to be so foolish?

DWIGHT. Hi–better get started before she makes a scene. It's too early yet, though. Well–Lulu, you dance on the table.

INA. Why, Dwight?

DWIGHT. Got to amuse ourselves somehow. They'll begin to read the funeral service over us.

NINIAN. Why not the wedding service?

DWIGHT. Ha, ha, ha!

NINIAN. I shouldn't object. Should you, Miss Lulu?

LULU. I–I don't know it so I can't say it.

NINIAN. I can say it.

DWIGHT. Where'd you learn it?

NINIAN. Goes like this: I, Ninian, take thee, Lulu, to be my wedded wife.

DWIGHT. Lulu don't dare say that.

NINIAN. Show him, Miss Lulu.

LULU. I, Lulu, take thee, Ninian, to be my wedded husband.

NINIAN. You will?

LULU. I will. There–I guess I can join in like the rest of you.

NINIAN. And I will. There, by Jove! have we entertained the company, or haven't we?

INA. Oh, honestly–I don't think you ought to–holy things so–what's the matter, Dwightie?

DWIGHT. Say, by George, you know, a civil wedding is binding in this state.

NINIAN. A civil wedding–oh, well–

DWIGHT. But I happen to be a magistrate.

INA. Why, Dwightie–why, Dwightie....

CORNISH. Mr. Deacon, this can't be possible.

DWIGHT. I tell you, what these two have said is all that they have to say according to law. And there don't have to be witnesses–say!

LULU. Don't... don't... don't let Dwight scare you.

NINIAN. Scare me! why, I think it's a good job done if you ask me. (Their eyes meet in silence.)

INA. Mercy, sister!

DWIGHT. Oh, well–I should say we can have it set aside up in the city and no one will be the wiser.

NINIAN. Set aside nothing. I'd like to see it stand.

INA. Ninian, are you serious?

NINIAN. Of course I'm serious.

INA. Lulu. You hear him? What are you going to say to that?

LULU. He isn't in earnest.

NINIAN. I am in earnest–hope to die.

LULU. Oh, no, no!

NINIAN. You come with me. We'll have it done over again somewhere if you say so.

LULU. Why–why–that couldn't be....

NINIAN. Why couldn't it be–why couldn't it?

LULU. How could you want me?

NINIAN. Didn't I tell you I liked you from the first minute I saw you?

LULU. Yes. Yes, you did. But–no, no. I couldn't let you–

NINIAN. Never mind that. Would you be willing to go with me? Would you?

LULU. But you–you said you wanted–oh, maybe you're just doing this because–

NINIAN. Lulu. Never mind any of that. Would you be willing to go with me?

LULU. Oh, if I thought–

NINIAN. Good girl–

INA. Why, Lulu. Why, Dwight. It can't be legal.

DWIGHT. Why? Because it's your sister? I've married dozens of couples this way. Dozens.

NINIAN. Good enough–eh, Lulu?

LULU. It's–it's all right, I guess.

DWIGHT. Well, I'll be dished.

CORNISH. Well, by Jerusalem....

INA. Sister!

NINIAN. I was going to make a trip south this month on my way home from here. Suppose we make sure of this thing and start right off. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Going to Savannah?

LULU. Yes, I'd like that.

NINIAN. Then that's checked off.

DWIGHT. I suppose we call off our trip to the city to-night then.

NINIAN. Call off nothing. Come along. Give us a send-off. You can shoot our trunks after us, can't you? All right, Miss Lulu–er–er, Mrs. Lulu?

LULU. If you won't be ashamed of me.

NINIAN. I can buy you some things in the city to-morrow.

LULU. Oh....

INA. Oh, mama, mama! Did you hear? Di! Aunt Lulu's married.

DI. Married? Aunt Lulu?

INA. Just now. Right here. By papa.

DI. Oh, to Mr. Cornish?

CORNISH. No, Miss Di. Don't you worry.

INA. To Ninian, mama. They've just been married–Lulu and Ninian.

MRS. BETT. Who's going to do your work?

LULU. Oh, mother dearest–I don't know who will. I ought not to have done this. Well, of course, I didn't do it–

MRS. BETT. I knew well enough you were all keeping something from me.

INA. But, mama! It was so sudden–

LULU. I never planned to do it, mother–not like this–

MRS. BETT. Well, Inie, I should think Lulie might have had a little more consideration to her than this. (At the window, behind the curtain, DI has just kissed BOBBY goodby.)

LULU. Mother dearest, tell me it's all right.

MRS. BETT. This is what comes of going to the theater.

LULU. Mother–

DWIGHT. Come on, everybody, if we're going to make that train.

NINIAN. Yes. Let's get out of this.

CORNISH. Come, Miss Di.

INA. Oh, I'm so flustrated!

DWIGHT. Come, come, come all! On to the festive city!

MONONA (dancing stiffly up and down). I was to a wedding! I was to a wedding!

NINIAN. Good-by, Mama Bett!

LULU. Mother, mother! Don't forget the two pies!


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Anton Chekhov
Nathaniel Hawthorne
Susan Glaspell
Mark Twain
Edgar Allan Poe
Mary E. Wilkins Freeman
Herman Melville
Stephen Leacock
Kate Chopin
Bjørnstjerne Bjørnson