Fantastic Fables

by Ambrose Bierce

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The Farmer's Friend

A GREAT Philanthropist who had thought of himself in connection with the Presidency and had introduced a bill into Congress requiring the Government to loan every voter all the money that he needed, on his personal security, was explaining to a Sunday-school at a railway station how much he had done for the country, when an angel looked down from Heaven and wept.

"For example," said the Great Philanthropist, watching the teardrops pattering in the dust, "these early rains are of incalculable advantage to the farmer."

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It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.