ACT IV - Scene II Much Ado About Nothing
A prison.
| Enter Dogberry, Verges, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with Conrade and Borachio. | |
| Dogberry | Is our whole dissembly appeared? |
| Verges | O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton. |
| Sexton | Which be the malefactors? |
| Dogberry | Marry, that am I and my partner. |
| Verges | Nay, that’s certain; we have the exhibition to examine. |
| Sexton | But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them come before master constable. |
| Dogberry | Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, friend? |
| Borachio | Borachio. |
| Dogberry | Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah? |
| Conrade | I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade. |
| Dogberry | Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve God? |
| Conrade, Borachio | Yea, sir, we hope. |
| Dogberry | Write down, that they hope they serve God: and write God first; for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves; and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves? |
| Conrade | Marry, sir, we say we are none. |
| Dogberry | A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves. |
| Borachio | Sir, I say to you we are none. |
| Dogberry | Well, stand aside. ’Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have you writ down, that they are none? |
| Sexton | Master constable, you go not the way to examine: you must call forth the watch that are their accusers. |
| Dogberry | Yea, marry, that’s the eftest way. Let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince’s name, accuse these men. |
| First Watch | This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince’s brother, was a villain. |
| Dogberry | Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince’s brother villain. |
| Borachio | Master constable— |
| Dogberry | Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, I promise thee. |
| Sexton | What heard you him say else? |
| Second Watch | Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully. |
| Dogberry | Flat burglary as ever was committed. |
| Verges | Yea, by mass, that it is. |
| Sexton | What else, fellow? |
| First Watch | And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her. |
| Dogberry | O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this. |
| Sexton | What else? |
| Second Watch | This is all. |
| Sexton | And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away; Hero was in this manner accused, in this manner refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died. Master constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato’s: I will go before and show him their examination. Exit. |
| Dogberry | Come, let them be opinioned. |
| Verges | Let them be in the hands— |
| Conrade | Off, coxcomb! |
| Dogberry | God’s my life, where’s the sexton? let him write down the prince’s officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty varlet! |
| Conrade | Away! you are an ass, you are an ass. |
| Dogberry | Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, and, which is more, a householder, and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns and everything handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass! Exeunt. |